League News

BEAR: Where were you born?

TOM: Dover. Go figure.

BEAR: Where do you live now?

TOM: Lee, NH.

BEAR: Team and position?

TOM: Gray Squirrels. I play whatever position should do the least damage to the team on any given night.

BEAR: Why play hockey?

TOM: That's a good question that many people who have watched me ask. "Why do you do this to yourself?" Why am I out there? I do it as a community service. Have you ever had one of those hockey days when you think, "boy I suck at this?" but then look up and see me and think... but I could be worse.

BEAR: During games, do you like to talk to players from the opposing team? Do you have any particular psychological tactic in doing so?

TOM: I like talking to everyone, generally. Mostly making fun of myself or the game. I have also been known to ask the goalies to stop being jerks and let me score.

BEAR: What is the best thing or event that has happened to you while playing?

TOM: Meeting people. Hands down. Best game experience was scoring twice against Gold. That game was hilarious. It was the last game of the regular season and both teams were ending lame seasons. Whichever team LOST got the better time for the final game (a final game that was meaningless) so I had told the team that losing would not be the worst thing to happen. Then I played my most relaxed game ever and scored twice, much to the amusement of everyone involved. (You know you suck when the team you score on heartily congratulates you.)

BEAR: What is the worst thing or event that has happened to you while playing?

TOM: A misunderstanding that bothered me for weeks. Actually it still bothers me.

BEAR: We welcome you to be a little more specific, if within the realm of decency.

TOM: I can be annoying. I often assume that I'm being annoying in a funny way but that's always subjective and I probably screw that up a lot more than I think I do. I really annoyed someone that I didn't know while playing hockey and from then on I was always that guy to him. One night I was skating in his blind spot while playing D and he took a sudden 90 degree turn (which I can't do) and I ran into him and we both went down hard. He assumed that I had intentionally targeted him. He was extremely angry with me. Between his anger and the fact that someone thought I would actually try to hurt them was extremely upsetting. Made me question how anyone and everyone viewed me.

BEAR: If you were lacing up your skates one day and the Hockey Genie appeared to give you 3 hockey-related wishes, what would they be?

TOM: I wish I could skate, shoot or - if that is asking too much - just look less like Frankenstein's monster on skates.

BEAR: Who would win a fight between a zebra and a silverback gorilla?  Why?

TOM: Is this a real hockey question? The gorilla. If there is one thing hockey has taught me: nothing with stripes can be trusted...

BEAR: Explain last season?

TOM: It's 2020. Gray going undefeated is not explainable. We picked up a couple of people who can score (which helped a lot). We were also down to 11 and that turned out to work better. We generally had the same lines day in day out and they worked well (which is not SOP-101 for Gray). It was a quite a surreal session. (OK the real reason is that All Black Hockey sticks had a special order for blue sticks. I got one. It is the stick. It literally has not lost a game ever. I am terrified that by admitting this, I have just forked up the magic.)

BEAR: Do you learn anything from watching televised hockey?

TOM: They put hockey on TV? I don’t buy any of those expensive sports packages. Is it on ESPN The Ocho?

BEAR: As captain of Grey, do you feel responsible for composing a team fight song?

TOM: Not until now. Thanks.

BEAR: Where do you work?

TOM: L3Harris - it is one of those companies that Eisenhower warned us about.

BEAR: What did Ike warn us about?

TOM: "In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists, and will persist."

BEAR: What do you do there?

TOM: My official responsibility is to write software for military hardware. Think night vision goggles etc. But mostly I lament the fact that I am under oiled cog in a very large machine and that the cafeteria sucks.

BEAR: What's for lunch most days?

TOM: I haven’t eaten in the cafeteria since the new manager took over and served baked beans as part of Taco Tuesday. So usually I go out for something with a lot of vegetables. 5 guys for example.

BEAR: What's your skate sharpening profile preference?

TOM: I had to look this up. So you're saying that people actually sharpen their skates? Like in some sort of Rollerball meets hockey world? Crazy.

BEAR: Do humans inherit their laugh?

TOM: Based on my limited experiments in genetics, yes. Alas for my wife, my daughter inherited my sense of humor, too.

BEAR: What happens when you all laugh at the same time?

TOM: Gray goes undefeated and murder hornets to list a couple of things.

BEAR: Does summertime hockey violate general laws of nature?

TOM: Did Gray win it all this summer?


BEAR: How long do you estimate you will play hockey?

TOM: As long as possible. I have been lucky not to get hurt too much. Sure shoulder surgery sucked but that was early on.

BEAR: If a meteor were headed straight for earth and you could save the planet by encapsulating hockey in only 5 words, what would they be?

TOM: Well Fork. Thank you 2020.


BEAR: If hockey were a vegetable, what vegetable would it be?  Explain your answer.

TOM: Colby Jack. It's my favorite vegetable. Right behind those really big pretzel knots.

BEAR: If you could magically attain one skill from a specific NHL player, who is that player and what is the skill?

TOM: I would like to be able to fly like Bobby Orr.


BEAR: When did you start skating on ice?  When did you start playing hockey?

TOM: Technically I skated as a kid. Probably about 10 times total. Sometime around 10 years ago, my daughter had to go from playing in Oyster River to Dover and I saw that they had a beginner adult league. So I signed up for skating lessons and started going to Friday morning skills. As soon as I learn to play, I hope to join a league and play hockey...

BEAR: If you could change one thing about the coed league, what would it be?

TOM: I'd have fewer players per team (without actually losing any of the players because that too would suck - reality be damned).


BEAR: Name a second thing.

TOM: I wish the rink had someone selling snacks on the bench. Preferably something healthy like giant pretzel knots.


BEAR: When is the last time you washed your equipment?

TOM: I think I put some stuff in the washer during the Covid break.

BEAR: Any special procedure?

TOM: I use some of that detergent with Febreze in it. That seems to work until the moment I put the gear back on.


BEAR: What’s your go-to move in a shootout? 

TOM: I am entirely focused on not falling on my ass and not losing the puck while skating.

BEAR: What do you wish it was?

TOM: I wish I could actually aim a shot.


BEAR: What did Grey do to celebrate your summertime league victory?

TOM: Normally we'd go out to La Festa for pizza etc. (Win or lose.) This time, I think some of us stood around the parking lot with white players discussing how weird it was that either of our teams were in the championship game.

BEAR: Can you repeat your victory this fall?

TOM: The odds are about the same as Brady taking the Pats to the SuperBowl again this season.


BEAR: Ever wanted to play goalie?

TOM: I think it would be fun if I could. I can't imagine being able to butterfly or get myself up off the ice more than say twice a period. (Which is what I average now.)

BEAR: How do you think playing hockey effects your life?

TOM: It is something that I love. If I could play 4 nights a week, I would. The people are awesome. It is the place that I can go and forget everything else while hanging out with friends. It is like being a kid again and playing outside. (Back when I was a kid that is how we entertained ourselves. After we did our chores, we would gather around and use the lump of coal we'd received at Christmas to play "hit you in the head with my lump of coal.")


BEAR: Do you ever fall off your bike?

TOM: A couple of weeks ago Wednesday I went over the handlebars. I bike like I skate.

BEAR: Favorite hockey movie? Are there any good hockey movies?

TOM: Miracle on Ice


BEAR: Favorite professional hockey player?

TOM: ...

BEAR: Tastes great or less filling?

TOM: Tastes great. Seriously, if you're going to drink beer then drink beer.